so jellybean is starting to look like an actual baby now! which is pretty cool. makes it seem more 'real' (?) or something, i dont know. but it was great to see him/her on friday at my scan. id been going through a weird worry phase where i didnt believe i was actually pregnant, and that maybe when they did my scan nothing would be there. and although my pregnancy wasnt planned at all, id still be heartbroken if it doesnt work out now. we're invested in this and fully excited about everything, so for things not to work out, it would be devastating.
but big sigh of relief, bubs is still in there and everythings looking good according to the nurse who did our scan. it took us about 3 hours to get the measurements and things they needed though, because our little darling was doing a handstand in my belly when we first got there. seriously, just sitting on their head the whole time and refusing to move. it took alot of fake hula hooping and a half an hour walk around the block just to get bub to move it the right position! the supervisor even came in and commented on our 'naughty' baby! oh no, i hope bub grows out of that before theyre born!!
so besides all that, thigns are looking good. normal and healthy and fine. i did worry a little yesterday when my clinic rang and asked me to move my appt with my doc to this week instead of next (whats that about?) but the clerk reassured me that its not because anything was wrong in our tests. i still have a niggly feeling and the burning question of 'why move the appt a week early if nothings wrong?' but im trying to stay calm about it. im trying to be a super calm mumma about all this stuff, but man is it stressful. and the constant worry about money and praticality of having a new baby in our lives is starting to freak me out.
my poor DMan copped it last night when i went into meltdown and overreaction about nothing in particular and spent almost an hour bawling into his jumper while he was trying to cook dinner. i really thought that i wouldnt be that kind of emotional pregnant lady, pffft how naive was i? luckily, hes an awesome guy who just rolls with it and always manages to calm me down and say the right things and doesnt freak out on top of everything. i did ask him how could he be so calm when im such a mess. and he didnt really have an answer. just that he was sure we were ok, and as long as baby stays ok, then everything will work out. which is true, but hard to see sometimes.
we have so much to do and figure out and so much money to spend before this baby comes along, and only 6mths til im due. hes planning on getting a new job, we're going to buy our house (our landlord is selling to us, cheap!) and we need to buy things for this baby and somehow fit it all into our house!
anywho, like i say, im stressing. but im pretty sure that is a normal thing to go through, and im sure we'll make it out of this alive. on a side note, the random weird and sometimes awful pregnancy dreams have started. monday night it was that my dad had died. and my mum didnt call me because she didnt want to 'worry' me, and by the time i got home to see them, she'd already moved all his stuff out of their house! see weird and awful.poor mum got a phonecall immediately yesterday morning to make sure he was ok. of course i was being silly. last night it was that a plane crashed next to me on the beach, but it didnt explode or anything, there wasnt even a scratch on it. and everyone was ok. then i had lunch with lars ulrich (drummer from metallica?!?) and THEN me and daniel had to bring someone (no idea who) back to life by mixing their blood with something (that i still dont even know what it was). i think that part came from watching the first couple of episodes of the new season of True Blood. but who knows. very weird. and making me wake up very confused!
so on the whole, im a very confused, stressed, worried, tired, happy, excited pregnant lady lately. and this post has turned into a bit of an essay. apologies for that. have a great week everyone!